I've never been what one would consider an "athlete." In fact, one might say I was athletically challenged--I still have scars down my knees from my failed attempt at hurdles in 8th grade. The poor track coach thought "tall girl with long legs, let's try her on hurdles" and fifteen minutes later I was in the school nurse's office, laying on a cot while she picked cinders out of my shins with a pair of tweezers. So let's say that sports are not my strong suit.
But when I got older I fell in love with yoga, running and biking, three strenuous activities that are generally safe when done correctly. So karate was an excellent fit for me. And so far, that has proven correct.
Except my head isn't there yet. In my head, I'm still tripping over hurdles.
I know everything that I need to do for my next belt promotion, and I have even had it all signed off. But every time I have the opportunity for the Master to test me, I find something wrong with what I was doing and delay it. I know every single thing I need to do to get a perfect score on my belt test, but the only thing I do not have is the confidence to do it. And that is the problem.
This shouldn't be a shock to those who know me--I have a track record of lacking confidence in certain areas of my life. It's like I don't think I deserve success or good fortune, that stuff like that is for people who do things totally perfectly, who are naturally athletic or smart or outgoing. You'd think at the age of 38, with a successful career, a great family and just the sheer will power to learn a new sport would be enough for me to be confident in my abilities, but it's almost as if I need a life coach standing next to me 24 hours a day giving me constant positive reinforcement. And that's exhausting. I know. I don't want to be this way anymore.
So for the next week I am going to stop this negative self-talk and channel my inner Stuart Smalley, be my own life coach. And I WILL test for my purple belt and I WILL snatch it out of the hands of the Master. Because I worked hard for it and I will have earned it!
Okay, maybe I won't snatch it out of his hands. Because he's a lot bigger than me and I'm pretty sure he could break something important. But you know what I mean.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Summer fabric and fiber arts
When the weather gets hot, it becomes harder for me to focus on making wooly blankets and heavy socks for cold feet. I'd rather make summery dresses and shirts, using the trusty portable sewing machine my mom bought me for christmas in 2000. The same sewing machine that my husband claimed I'd never use, probably because at that point he hadn't known me long enough to know that my approach to crafting has seasons--I love all kinds of crafts and will go through little phases depending on the time of year. Summer is a great time to make jewelry and sew, fall, winter and spring are my fiber arts seasons.
Because of my job and family demands, I haven't had a lot of time in the last ten years to devote to my passion for sewing. However, this year, I am starting to feel a little more liberated--the girls are both independent (which, in this house, is reached when one can buckle oneself into the car) and off doing their own thing. Compound this with several babies being born this year to friends and family and I've got a reason to break out my sewing machine to make simple block quilts. And while it's out, I may as well make a couple of cute sundresses for the girls, and maybe a shirt or skirt for myself.
I was at the Tommy Bahama store last weekend, eyeing some gorgeous summer clothes for our upcoming trip to Florida. I love TB's women's line; the fabrics are light and easily packable, and very flattering for almost any shape. The downside to Tommy Bahama is that it's outrageously expensive, so hard to justify in this age of austerity. I spied this gorgeous flowy halter top, but $88 would pay for 2 gallons of gas for our road trip! But I had an idea....I had the pattern to make a similar-styled halter, all I needed was some summery fabric to make it. That way I could have an $88 look for $12 worth of fabric...off to Joann Fabrics I went.
I woke up early yesterday (4 am), so excited to get stated on my project. I wish I had snapped photos of what I was doing to show you just how simple it was to make this shirt. From start to finish, including laying out the pattern, cutting the fabric, and sewing it all together was about 2 hours. Here's the finished product:
It's wrinkly because I was so excited to have it finished yesterday that I wore it before I had a chance to take a picture! here's the detail on the tie in back:
I'm planning on making a couple more for the season. I like the tunic-style, which hides a multitude of sins. The pattern is also easily modifiable to make a sundress--just a little more fabric.
Anyway, that's what I've been up to. Oh, and all those baby quilts? Well, I'm hoping to get to that this weekend......
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Violating my Own Etiquette Rules
I think anyone who has seen Karate Kid or watched Kung Fu Theatre knows that etiquette is a central tenant of any martial arts style. There’s a hierarchy and there are rules about how you behave. Our dojo has very specific rules about etiquette and general behavior that every student is expected to know and abide. But there are sometimes mistakes….
I started taking karate because, among other reasons, I was looking for a sense of order in my otherwise chaotic life. Karate brings that, and then some! The bowing and the rank system mean something here. So many titles in everyday life are meaningless, especially in my given profession, that it’s quite refreshing to enter a space where titles mean EVERYTHING. But not in a negative sense, in a matter of respect and homage. Dan, Sensei, Master, these titles mean that the person has passed a great test, achieved a major milestone. And respect is given to that, for good reason.
So it pains me that my oldest daughter has the WORST habit of fiddling with her belt while at cheriut (attention). I notice this more now that I’m helping to instruct. I also can’t stand how she does pushups, but that’s another story…which is actually quite funny.
I hate to zone in on my kids all the time because it drives them crazy and probably isn’t fair of me. . . but . . .their behavior reflects on me, right? And of course, I’m PERFECT. . .
Last week I was helping to instruct the children’s class. This was the same class where the Master was speaking to the students about the importance of etiquette, sitting properly during class, and not creating a distraction during belt testing. I was listening attentively to what he was saying, and making mental notes so that when I had a chance to instruct my group of students, I’d make sure to mention something about etiquette (bowing to your partner, et cet). I was complimenting myself on the lessons I was learning and ….that is until I heard this:
My ringtone….UGH!! I just violated my own personal etiquette rule, “thou shalt not let one’s phone ring while in the dojo.” I ran to mute it, also violating the rule about not leaving the dojo unless permitted to do so..So basically, I was breaking all the rules that night, so let’s just add in my swearing “Oh shit” underneath my breath as I frantically searched for my whistling phone, which was at the bottom of my gear bag. And yes, let’s pause for a moment to chuckle that my ring tone is the theme song to Kill Bill—yea, that’s an extra special touch of irony during karate class.
I returned to class just as everyone had taken a break. Whew. My face beet red (which, thanks to my Irish predisposition to blush like the Lucky Charms guy, happens at least 16 times a day, since I have a tendency to embarrass myself every waking hour of the day), I resumed helping to instruct. Of course adding in a few comments about etiquette to the small group of beginners, but no longer so righteously indignant. After all, we all have our moments, right?
Next blog post: quilting for a baby and socks, more socks. And hopefully beginning another sweater pour moi.
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