Yep, like that creepy little Carolanne from Poltergeist, I
am back. Now with 100% less goo (watch the movie if you don’t get it)….
So a lot has happened since I last posted about 18 months
ago or so….
1.
I switched jobs, which was life changing
2.
My kids switched schools, which was life changing
3.
My husband switched jobs, which has been life changing
4.
We sold and built a new house, which I only
recommend doing amidst the above three if you have a desire to fund a therapist’s
vacations for a lifetime.
5.
Both of my kids have been diagnosed with a
learning disability.
So, yea….that has all happened. I will say though that I am blessed. I don’t mean “#blessed” in the way so many
talk about things that make them feel blessed in a pumpkin spice latte kind of
way. I mean I am blessed because through
a long journey of self-introspection and healing, I have come to the conclusion
that I’m good enough. Not perfect, not a
messed up person, but I’m good enough. For
me and everyone else. Think about it—if you
are reading this you likely live somewhere with good internet access, drinkable
water, and the money to afford a device that allows you to surf the interwebs
for this suburban woman’s blog. Did you know that more people in the world
have a mobile phone than a toilet?
So while some days are harder than others, and because of
this chaotic season of life, I have had to abandon a lot of what I used to hold
dearly (like karate, crafting, my sanity).
But it’s allowed me to reprioritize.For example, realizing that my kids need me now more than they ever did when they were babies. Trust me, new moms. I know your baby right now is a vulnerable little love-muffin, and has not yet mastered the “full body whatever” but listen to me. When your kids hit puberty, they need that love and attention more now than ever. They need a parent or parents listening to them, paying attention to their emotional health, and simply being there. It’s a different experience, being a mom to an adolescent, and it is often uncomfortable because it is a humbling experience. You might be like me and have had to relive your entire awkward middle school experience through your daughter, and you’d really just rather forget it. But God has a really awesome sense of humor, and the pain you thought you experienced in delivering that child into this world has nothing on the pain in your heart when your daughter cries because she feels like she is completely lost in her life. By experiencing this, I’ve been able to let go of a lot of trash in my own emotional garage.
I’ve also recognized that as I get older the less patience I have for things that waste my time or cause me stress. I learned that the hard way when I became physically ill from adrenal fatigue. It’s taken me nearly 6 months to recover from the experience but I’m getting there. I used to be able to push through stressful times with adrenaline surges—unfortunately I’ve learned that if you do that too many times you no longer have any to give. These days things get heavy and I have to step away—my body rejects stress like a toddler rejecting green veggies.
I’ve also learned that it’s okay to admit that you are in over your head. My husband’s job change allows him to be at home more, and I couldn’t be happier. Not just because he’s fun to be around and I love him madly, but I don’t have to be supermom anymore. I am also less likely to be the martyr about work and parenting and cooking. It’s okay to admit you are tired and just can’t even. I never allowed myself the vulnerability, and now that I have I wonder why I spent 42 years fighting it!
So anyway, why am I writing this? Because I’d like to start blogging
again. And talk about stuff that matters
to me. Like my family, my hobbies, being
a mom, learning not to lean in or lean out but to just draft some of the time
and be the front of the pack other times.
I don’t have all the answers, and I often make an ass of myself, so I’m
hoping that by sharing these experiences you can learn the lessons I have learned
before your hair turns grey and your metabolism starts to slow down to a
sloth-like pace.
Hope you enjoy my second act—I fully intend to so stay
tuned!
